A couple of things happened to me over the last few weeks that have caused me to examine a number of deeply held beliefs which I have and which I have assumed to be part of my being. We can be so certain that we have things ‘right’ that when conversations or different thinking comes in, it can be easy to bat away defensively.
One of those things was a conversation I had in a friendly setting, with someone I had not met before. The conversation turned to an issue, on which we disagreed. This isn’t unusual for me, because, as with everyone, we will have these kinds of conversations constantly, but this was a conversation which alluded to more fundamental beliefs based on what I had always assumed were my core values. It was partly in relation to what my Jewishness means to me and how it is perceived by other people. What occurred to me, in a situation where naturally I would have felt challenged, indeed, I did almost walk out of the room at the time because I felt an exhaustion in trying to explain for the millionth time, was that this person had never heard the views of someone who was Jewish on this matter. Their perceptions may have been built entirely on assumptions, often grounded in prejudices that one might not even be aware of.
When I stopped myself, I thought, how important it is to listen to other people, especially people with different views from us, in order to counter the assumption that we come to the same conclusions when we have had such different experiences through our lives. We ended up having a deeply enriching conversation which I feel fortunate to have been able to have, because my natural instinct was to walk away. This helped me reflect on the importance of listening and understanding difference, even if it is not easy to do so.
Following on from this, I sought out ‘different’ views on issues that I felt strongly about. I discovered new blogs, new Twitter feeds, new journal articles. I thought about how important it is to come from where someone else's views’ are in order to better understand and vouch for my own beliefs. Some of my beliefs have shifted, some have not, but it has been a useful exercise in tolerance.
For example, we (and I speak as a left-leaning social worker who would usually place myself in the ‘progressive’ or ‘liberal’ space politically) often dismiss conservative views without thinking how people come to them. I am not referring to those who are explicitly discriminatory, including racists, but how there can be different approaches to economic and sociological policy drivers. It helps to open ones mind to difference thinking and writing, rather than writing everyone else of as ‘wrong’.
It feels as if times are becoming more polarised and a part of that is due to us only reading and listening to people who agree with us, or sitting in rooms so that people will nod along with us when we are earnest. Disagreement has become savage and personalised. We are not able to disagree in spaces where we want to be accepted into. We have to be one ‘side’ or another ‘side’. But maybe it’s a challenge, both to ourselves and to society, to seek out diverse views and make changes to the opinions and views that we have, or at least, if we don’t respect that there is difference and a better understanding of why we hold our views.
